the desert keeps a lot of secrets

So did some reminiscing the other night a made me think of the good and bad of such things. Made me think that i act kind of old now and am very safe which is ok and all but can be a little stifling. I feel like i was too young to fully appreciate Sheffield but now feel too old but then don't think that bit of me is done either. I know that we can look at the past in somewhat of a broadbrush manner but that still doesn't help all that much, you either long for a past that never existed or for a future that never will, is there anyway to be satisfied with the present?

Being at home was strange over the weekend as it has all been re-decorated to help sell it which means there's a lot of white. This freaked me out about moving back there next month since i don't want to be constantly on edge in somewhere that is a show house and not a home that i can relax in.

I appear to be suffering from a severe lack of hope at the moment and i don't mean that in an 'airy fairy way but in a 'i look at the future and i can only see bad things' type way.