reassuringly elephants

1. Facial hair
Good example of the different circles i move in perceive things. The people in my department think i look like a sociology professor whilst people at church think i look like a seventies worship leader. I don't think i like either or these analogies

2. Chaos/order
Been thinking a lot recently about whether things are fundamentally chaotic and it's amazing that we have any continuity or things are the same and never change as it links into my course. The one about things never change shouldn't be true given the ability of humans to act with free will and every interaction with numerous possible outcomes (see Run Lola Run) etc but in actual fact evidence suggests that we seldom have much impact as we are so confined by the institutional norms and environment around us. As Lol was saying the other night, 98% of human action is normal and if anyone goes to 99% they're considered boring and 97%ers crazy. This notion has kind of depressed me...

3. Films
mysterious skin- will haunt me (a few people walked out) probably in a good way. Also good trailer for Dear Wendy
kung-fu hustle- hilarious, an excellent film and properly wierd. Also the base humour appealed

4. Stretching
Beginning to think there is an optimum number of people that you can feasibly be friends with as i simply don't have time to see everyone that in an ideal world i would like to and unfortunately the opposite seems true.

5. a perpetual state of befuddlement
Also wondering how to balance the idea of being honest and true to yourself with the consequences that this has on those around you and risks causing offence. At what point do you be assertive and when do you not?

6. Huey
i like the idea of being called huey not hugh

jam/spam/ham/clam/flan

My current guilty pleasures:

1. Romantic comedies (i've watched and thoroughly enjoyed Two Weeks Notice and 50 First Dates)

2. Running either at night or in the rain.

3. Raisins

4. Imaging what to do with my facial hair now i have some (after watching Undertow yesterday a hick 'tash and jazz patch are winning)

5. Watching the MTV Movie awards (Napolean Dynamite and Mean Girls won everything-hurrah)

rescuing aunt sally

Now that i no longer have broadband all week i'm going to have to do some bullet point type posts begining now:

1. A Tale of Two Gigs
So two Mondays and two gigs at the Union. Firstly there was Ben Folds (www.benfolds.com) and then there was Interpol (www.interpolny.com) this week at very short notice. Both were excellent but were very different. Both are very cool but in completely polar ways. Ben Folds very much embraces his geek (he does look like a maths teacher) and uses that to his advantage whilst Interpol are NY cool wearing shirts and ties (the guitarist even wore a suit- he must have been boiling). Ben Folds goes mental live to the extent he has to tape his nails up he plays so hard whereas Interpol just move in very angular ways which given their amazing light display looks awesome with huge shadows of the band appearing on the walls. The audience at both was a very broad church but Interpol had Phil Oakey so they win but Ben Folds is far better at the whole participation thing. Oh yeah, and both play very good music

2. Muffins
In her infinite wisdom, my mum gave me some muffin cases when they moved up north so upon deciding to use them yesterday i realised only too late that i had no muffin/cake tins to put them in so ended up with some very strange looking (all be it still tasty) rasberry muffins.
(ps. my parents have found a house)

3. Team America
Fuck Yeah!

4. Wimbeldon
Now i have real problems with Mr Henman in the sense he embodies everything that is wrong with us as a nation. He's well respected (he is world number 6) but ultimately rubbish. You get your hopes up that he might win but at the end of the day it's more a case of, "well he tried his best didn't he." That may be true but he still didn't bloody win did he. Also in tennis i find it less important to support the homegrown people but go for individuals. Disappointed Henin-Hardenne went out, i like here.

5. Current mood
6 1/2

you wouldn't be interested in that

And now i can't stop thinking about what to post- I really am trying to avoid work (plus the tennis has started- i'm doomed). My immediate response to everyone saying the whole night of prayer was challenging was to go, 'Really, why?' However, after processing some stuff from the week it seems as i need to examine some of priorities. Also, read in the paper a rather obvious notion but it seems to be lingering on and that is those who search for happiness never find it, it comes from doing other stuff and it almost a by-product.

In other news Sufjan Stevens has the second of his albums based on the states of the US out soon-hurrah!

Watched Batman Begins on Friday after a stressful day at the office and loved it. It combines a blockbuster with some actual emotion which i always like but seems to be a rarity. There are also great parallels between the aims and motivations of Batman and the villans- Scarecrow and Rha Ghoul and a challenge of what can one person do? (what happens if the good people of Gothasm do nothing?) The cast is brilliant too, particularly Morgan Freeman, Christian Bale and Michael Caine.

you big gay bear of a man

Been feeling fairly taciturn recently which probably explains the lack of desire to post. Unfortunately, i can't explain why but it may be as I've been numbing myself from what is going on to/in me and around me too. I'm not sure if i can handle the ups and downs of emotion (i can't believe i was about to say rollercoaster). Would i rather be steady slow incline rather than boom and bust?

I'm finding it hard to function around people to the extent that i'm walking up to see someone and not being able to speak which has been fun.

At the same time i'm rather distracted, to quote 2 weeks notice- "I think about you in the shower, no not in that way, in a forget whether i've washed my hair and end up washing it twice type way."

Somewhat overwhelmed by my PhD at the moment- had a seminar presentation that went ok but was aware that there are so many things to consider in a relatively small aspect of my thesis that it's hard not be paralysed by it.

i'll come at you fast like the northern bullet

Was thinking about the sermon at church last night and the fact that i found myself disagreeing/getting annoyed with some of the things he said. Partly just because he failed to understand the intricacies of public policy and agenda setting but also some of the stuff about euthanasia and abortion and found myself thinking probably what doesn't sit well in Godly circles. This, in turn made me think about how much i tend to let my opinions just sit there and exist without me actually thinking them through too much. My emotions/feelings seem to be seperate from my logic etc and seldom do the two meet. So as a result, more summons that irritate me please but in a good way- oh never mind.

quilts

As the rather lovely Andrew Marr observed the other day, when a politician says that it's a time for 'reflection' it means that they haven't prepared a speech. However, i'm not a politician so when i say i need some time to reflect i mean that i think i need to stop everything that i'm doing and consider/let God decide what should stay, what should go and what should change. Had a good chat with beth and laurence about it (i like them, they're nice) which was helpful. Still feeling rather vunerable about the whole thing though but i am at the stage now when i feel the need and also want to change.

My uni panel was far nicer than expected, i was just praised for 40 minutes which was unexpected but my crazy week looks set to continue.

France stole my face

I'm far to busy and important to post at the moment preparing for my uni panel on Thursday and considering the structure-agency debate but i do have another good post title: The dog's trousers. Also, vacillate is a pleasing word

St. John's Wort

In a bid to vary my musical diet i invested in the new Common album (Be) which is really good and after a few listens becomes very catchy. The only problem is that it can be a bit samey with the Kaynes West production obvious on a number of the tracks with a sped up female vocal. Also got a copy of Freestylers (we rock hard) in a charity shop for £1.50-bargin so enjoying the memories of that too. Got four albums on the way to me: White Stripes, Magic Numbers, Roisin Murphy and Camille.

Also feeling the need to clear out my clothes and cds again so big Oxfam bags are forming on the floor.

Slightly underwhelmed by the Desperate Housewives climax but think i'll miss having a good series on (thankfully the OC remains) so might end up getting series 3 of Six Feet Under (i've spied it for the respectable sum of £35)

Marked 8 essays so far- only had 1 fail!

Getting excited by the new Batman film (watching Sin City tonight too) which the new Empire is bigging up. Now i love Batman (he's the comic character i've grown up with) and to quote Chistopher Nolan that's because, "Batman has no superpowers. He's just a rich guy who does a lot of push ups" and he has a few issues aswell. Plus the cast looks awesome- Christian Bale, Cillian Murphy (28 days later), Liam Neeson and Michale Caine. Right enoug of this geekery, back to marking!

Also a quote i love at the moment: "Everything i've lost in the morning will always be found in the evening."

Those of a nervous disposition...

...Might want to look away now. Was talking over dinner last night about bitterness and this threw up questions concerning what i was bitter about given my apparent laid back demeanour. My immediate response to this was a whole cornucopia of things. Example, this morning tried to get insurance for my house contents at which point i was re-directed to numerous polite but ultimately useless people. I think there also comes a point where call centres need to be in the UK (how can you mis-hear Munro as Mxwro- I'm not joking). The primary one though was that i have no real outlet or means of dealing with the emotions that i go through. I don't have a hobby in which to push/vent my rage, don't have anyone i can talk to about them (i also think the expectation placed in such a scenario is far too great), i don't have a regular prayer thing and i think taking up smoking and drinking too much would be frowned upon. Therefore, although thororughly inappropraite this page may become slightly more vengeful and full of bile but hey if it makes you uncomfortable, don't read it.

The Stevey G thing is something about seeing someone so committed and passionate that even though the world thought Liverpool were beaten no one appeared to have told him. I know it's obscenely trite but that's the reason.

Thankfully only got 18 essays to mark and not the 30 i had feared but they need to be done by Monday-ouch!