shall we not

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

one of many possible worlds

This is more a post becuase i feel i should post rather than because i have anything to say. Went and watched the Dylan documentary at Pete and Mary's and it was the first night in a while where i haven't wanted to kill most of the people there, so that's something i guess. At church on Sunday someone had a word that i feel like i'm eaten by piranha's meaning that other people do just wipe me out.

Sunday, September 25, 2005

like signing on for disability benefit riding a unicycle

Well, was working away on Friday at Hallam and decided to see if anything fun was on at the Odeon and lo and hehold they randomly were showing the new Cronenberg film, a History of Violence which i had just been reading about in the Guardian Review. So went off and got some lunch (including a frankly crazy Black Forest Muffin) and then went to see it. The film completely flawed me, i thought it was amazing to the extent i've not been able to stop thinking about it and immediately after spent a while just wandering around town. The film tells the story of a small town guy who appears to be a model citizen and have a model life. One evening at his cafe he is violently stood up and ends up killing the two criminals and in so doing becomes a local hero. However, this sets off a chain of events which basically suggests that this guy's life is a thinly veiled sham and he struggles with who he thought he'd left behind and questions regarding who he actually is since revealing this sends his family and friends running away from him. Almost like i feel about myself at the moment really with the perception that i'm fairly nice really not very accurate at all (oh, poor me). Anyway brilliant film but you'll need a fairly strong stomach; the violence when it comes is graphic but not at all stylised so just brutal.

Also, i think children shouldn't be let on trains, it isn't fair to them nor anyone else. Also, Virgin seems to like to take the scenic route on weekends.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

here's a young man (but not a dancer from Chicago)

Now my PhD really is doomed. Have just discovered an American radio site (www.kcrw.com/show/mb) that plays 40 minute sessions (including video) of really good musicians so i've just spent my afternoon watching the fabuluos Sufjan Stevens. Had one of those days where i can't really concentrate and have been easily distracted (went for a run, had to show a builder round, answered the door loads) and haven't really done much work as a result. Tommorrow is my first day as a tutor, i've been assigned 9 18 year olds to look after (8 blokes due to the alphabet) so bit nervous about that but hey got some positive feedback about my teaching from last year which was nice but then proceeded to loose all confidence in a meeting about the course. I also appear to be loosing the ability to remember basic things to the extent that in a shop yesterday and was asked if i needed any help to which i replied yes and then stood there for a couple of minutes trying desperately to remember what it was i was after.

Saturday, September 17, 2005

always love

Two posts in a day, mercy! Just been reflecting on my posts of late and they seem to be a bit, "i bought a loaf of bread today" and that started me thinking as to why. I came up with a number of possibilities:
1. I'm really shallow
2. I need to have the structure of church etc... to force me to think about God stuff which i've not had over the summer. It has made me realise i need cluster particularly as i appear to be too old for the evening service (I'm only 23 for goodness sake!)
3. I've talked about some of my thoughts with actual people but then even that still isn't on a particularly deep level.
4. I've been repressing my feelings which suggests that there is a bundle of crap waiting to emerge, oh joy (i really hope it's not that one).

hate will get you every time

Some observations:
- Autumn is well and truly here. This was shown by the fact that the last few days that i've been out of the house in a hoody i've found myself thinking, 'man it's cold' (but not yet seeing your own breath cold). Never mind though, i love a good Autumnal day like this morning, looking out of my window to be greeted by a clear crisp morning. Add in a game of football and there's little better (apart from staying in bed and sleeping that is).
- Laura Veirs has broken my will power. This month i ordered the Youngblood Brassband as my choice but it has only just been despatched so in the space between i borrowed a couple of Laura Veirs albums and felt compelled to buy her latest. Her voice really gets under my skin and her songs are really rich with loads of thought to all of them. I'm going to see her live inBrum next month too.
- Lauren Laverne is presenting CD:UK, happy days.
- I'm home alone today, hurrah!
- I seem to be seing a lot of afro's and big hair in magazines and stuff and this coincides with me getting comments about my hair getting long. I'm going to see if i stick it out until Christmas.
- Students are back. Bugger but yay as it means i can earn some money.
- Liking the look of Thumbsucker (new Mike Mills film)

Thursday, September 15, 2005

it's wicker propelled by fire

I'm bored at work and took a Myers Briggs test which suggests that i am in fact INFJ rather than the ISFJ i always thought i was. Whilst it's close call, the long discription of an INFJ seems to fit me far better (likely to be academics, hard to get to know, difficult to understand etc) and only about 2% of people are that type which appeals. It also explains why i find the practicalities of everyday life (and more importantly human interactions) difficult. Think i might try and get that book that has been doing the rounds...

Things i am totally in love with at the moment:
- Laura Veirs (got a ticket to see her live in Birmingham and listening to her stuff loads)
- The arrival of Scrubs series 2
- Having broadband at home
- free dvd online rental offers (currently film four are doing one) and then cancelling.
- The prospect of teaching next week (i'm bumped into some old students and tehy were really nice to me)
- Church starting again.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Sarah Call Home

I appear to have lost the ability to write but anyway here i go. Been transcribing interviews and it made me think about how wierd conversation is in the sense in typing up exactly what someone has said the individual who i remember as being very articulate when written down ceases to sound so. That started me thinking about why it takes me a long time to blog (it may not look like it but it does). It might be to do with the fact that written words are somehow more solid whilst conversation is more in the moment and remembered so as long as the message makes sense at that time it's ok. Written stuff can be gone back to and re-read so almost needs more accuracy.

Anything to declare:
- To clear up my spelling confusion e i meant to say anodyne (a medical soother) but i was looking for a way of saying bland/sanitised- doesn't bode well for scrabble tonight!
- I finally caved into my somewhat odd desire for pink wafers.
- I like the word tintinnabulation.

A question: Why can i never find a blue pen when i need one?

Sunday, September 11, 2005

Hey, I'll be your trophy wife

Lo and behold, the magical internet has been returned to me and i would therefore like to comment about a veritable array of things and stuff that has been swimming around my head but has had no outlet over the last week or so:
1. 9/11 Before the Terror: Moved into the house and hosted a party yesterday but many of you will know this as you were there. Seemed to go pretty well and there was a good volume of people. Had an ok time but have been feeling a little freaked out by the whole people interaction thing recently what with new housemates and being fairly up and down recently (quite literally with the size of the hill to get from Tesco to mine). Also seeing the two sets of mates meet was a little bit unnerving. I often feel out of place at those things and i felt uncomfortable around people i know to different levels.

2. Why won't you let me love you?: Been feeling a little unstaedy and i think it stems from the whole forgiveness thing. My bit of Bonhoffer said about in serving we give and prayer we receive but need forgiveness to be able to both and a realised i'm a) rubbish at forgiving people and b) being forgiven as i don't think i'm worthy. I think that leads to burn out and resentment.

3. Yoghurt Fancier: Dazed and confused still has the capacity to cheer me up.

4. Lies! Lies!/Alexander, our older brother: Saw the Aracde Fire last week and they were just amazing, so much passion. There are 8 of them and they had such energy and it's even made me love the album even more than i already did. Also, i looked like one of them, it also made me sad that worship isn't like that more. I can find it fairly annadine.

5. Other emotions: Had the experience of knowing two different sides of a story and suddenly realising that i'd rather know neither which freaked me out. I'm also grumpy and sad a lot at the moment (My Morning Jacket made me cry this week with the Bear)

6. Ross Noble had me squelling with delight.

7. Random social encounters: Some very good, some bad, more if i can be arsed. Also, the etiquette of greetings (handshake, hug, fist, high five?)