shall we not

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

not about Greenbelt

OK, that's a lie as it will probably feature within the following stream of consciousness of things that are good and are therefore liked by myself:
- Falling asleep in seminars (one about meditation and another in a service about homosexuality- which was a bit gutting actually because the half an hour i heard was great).
- The Arcade Fire gig tommorrow.
- My new house with all it's spangly newness. Moved some stuff in last night as i was able to get a driving accomplice for an hour or two. Spent most of the time getting excited about cupboards, basements and other trivial things of that ilk with one of my new housemates (but it is right to get excited for it rocks).
- Not leaving Greenbelt. There were hours of each day where i did really want the earth to swallow me up but i realsied that it would be far to much effort to pack up and get the train back. Plus Cheltenham train station already holds bad memories from the time i got it the wrong way adding two hours to my journey.
- The organic beer tent.
- The realisation that i'm no longer 15 and rather than getting drunk and jumping over fences at Greenbelt in the dark I sit in deck chairs drinking wine and eating brownies in the dark.
- Going to see some pictures and loving then realising that they were done by a mate and i can buy them off her.
- Getting out of Sheffield. Even though i thought Cheltenham wasn't very pleasant as a place it made me realise how ugly Sheffield and Birmingham are. So much as i still love them it did make a difference going away from them for a bit (so what i'm saying is holidays serve a purpose).
- Not going to one of the many seminars about blogging. I didn't think it'd do me any good as it would proabbaly draw attention to how self obsessed it is and how it hinders communication (with Sheffield folk anyway).

Thursday, August 25, 2005

a catholic school as strict as Roman rule

Things i regret and on further reflection should be filled in the 'seemed like a good idea at the time category':
1. Putting beetroot and cabbage together into a frankly bizarre stew (i've never seen carrots go that colour before).
2. Going for a run at 12:30 (i.e.when it's right dark). Having a shower then trying to get enough sleep so i could do 3.
3. Go to Birmingham the day before Greenbelt to do odd jobs at the office and also to rectify 4.
4. Leaving my sleeping bag at the office thinking i wouldn't need it any time soon (that was 3 months ago)
4. My one album a month rule. Man, i curse the day i thought that beauty up (do i get Death cab, Youngblood brassband, elbow?- damn it).
5. Deciding that i needed to let my body catch up on sleep meaning i didn't get to Birmingham until 1 and also meaning that my working days are completetly rubbish at the moment.
6. Recording my first two interviews on tape. It took me 10 hours to transcribe an interview which lasted 70 minutes. As Lol so lovingly pointed out, that's 7 minutes an hour (he did do math science). It also wipes you out completely meaning my conversation is a little forgetful and spaced out.
7. One thing Fulham must be regretting, failing to mark the mighty Pascal twice last night (Haha).

Monday, August 22, 2005

I've changed my mind...about this trampoline

The witty bit: A mate of mine went to see Demetri Martin and his favourite line was, "I used to love nostalgia"

The serious bit: Please do not read the below. No really.

I feel truly awful at the moment and i think there are multiple indicators of this:
- I'm eating shit loads.
- I'm watching loads of films to take me elsewhere (Cookie's Fortune- ace Altman film, The Return- very good in a 'i can see why this is good but it isn't very exciting' type way, Stealth- crap but in a very enjoyable way).
- I can't sleep.
- Everytime i stop and think my eyes get a little misty.
- My slightly crestfallen sarcasm has ceased to have a comic tone.
- I dread the prospect of seeing people I know and want to stay in the confines of my room which drives me mad since it's my office and the place where i lay in bed unable to sleep.
My response to this is either to be how i feel or be faux American upbeat (alright, go team!) which is the tactic i'll probably take for Greenbelt (and alcohol). When i do venture out you can never get away with saying you feel like crap without it leading to further half hearted questions but i don't want to lie and say i'm ok either. I need to find the 'present but not there' thing but then that's why i watch films etc...and put a post up on the internet where anyone can read it but ask people not to comment. How lame is that?
The reasons for all this on the other hand should stay in my head where none shall find them. I'll shut down completely and ignore all those around me. That's far easier.

ps. if you ignored my instruction not to read this then don't mention it to me. It'll just embarass us both.

Sunday, August 21, 2005

serendipitous and superlative coincidence (screw you)

On the way to get a paper yesterday i started to think about musical coincidence. On Friday i went to Utopia for a cup of tea and a sit down (well more a smoothie actually, i hate tea) and was accompanied by Boards of Canada. A great album i foolishly culled from my collection. Anyway, then i went to see the thoroughly lovely Me and You and Everyone We Know and had a snippet of it again before the film. Getting back to the paper walk, I decided on the Guardian as it had an article about the Pixies (my ephiphany band), went back home and listened to Guy Garvey (out of Elbow) play them on 6 Music. I also ate some chips (hmmm drowned in vinegar) Happy Days....
....and went to town and contemplated the futility of my existence and how little i'm looking forward to Greenbelt. Thus endeth my boring and capricious post about what i've been doing recently. In terms of what i've been thinking, well that's a little dark of late. The happier side is the normal thing i do about making stories up of where my life could go in my head (this nearly always involves me leaving the country) but the less happy side is my increasing number of sociopathic thoughts which although amuse me are probably not all that healthy. I can't seem to stand up and say what i think although this isn't the best idea in the world as most of my thoughts at the moment are negative. Man, I really am just a bundle of repression.

As you may have guessed this is actually two posts brought together using bricolage showing my mood swings in between.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Get out of bed, come out and sail

Blame it on the number of magazines i read but i decided to post in a barometer style today

Ducks (good)
+ Cripple Creek; hell yes
+ The new Arsenal kit; i love the colour even if the old school fans don't like it but they obviously can't be that old school as it's based on the original kit (it is unlikely that workers in an Arsenal has gold lettering and an O2 sponsoship though).
+ Baths; Excellent things but need to be able to readily accommodate my frame (the one i've got at the moment doesn't have room for my legs). 45 minutes at least.
+ Filter magazine; Really good American music magazine. Extremely well written (unlike this post) and as it is American its months ahead (most of the stuff i buy is American). It also has an interesting take on all the UK stuff (like them talking about the Futureheads and Sunderland) but in can be hard to track down.
+ Saw The Island and it was surprisingly brutal but good. I also like seeing Sheffielders in blockbusters (Sean Bean) and Ewan MacGregor saying, 'wanker'. In fact, British insults in general are good.
+ A new Death Cab for Cutie album....

Pigeons (bad)
-...my musical discipline meaning that Death Cab is one on a list of many.
- Being ill; As I'm male i'm truly pathetic when unwell. It is also annoying that it has happenned after 3 weeks of working properly. The lesson here, don't work hard and don't play hard.
- Sweating; not nice.
- My inability to have a spine.
- 12A films; I don't get why i saw a 15 trailer in a 12A film.
- Whilst i love the channel 4 segments with people saying their favourite food etc and playing along the worst quality one isn't nice. I think mine is jealousy mixed with paranoia
- Ecover; Ethical, yes. Clean clothes, no.

Monday, August 15, 2005

short north (she peels back her lips)

  • I have a sore throat.
  • I'm rather grumpy/fragile.
  • I have finished the first draft of my other bit of work which is nice.
  • Demetri Martin makes me laugh. For example,

-"I think that when you get dressed in the morning, sometimes you're really making a decision about your behavior for the day. Like if you put on flipflops, you're saying: "Hope I don't get chased today.""

-"When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws. Only catapults."

-"'Sort of' is such a harmless thing to say. Sort of. It's just a filler. Sort of - it doesn't really mean anything. But after certain things, sort of means everything. Like after "I love you" or "You're going to live." Or "It's a boy.""

  • Borrowed the Iron and Wine album (endless are our numbered days). It's beautiful.
  • Everyone seems to be talking myers-briggs at the moment. I think i'm ISFJ which is kind of geeky but not actually geeky enough to be a researcher damn it. But it does mean i can have Sufjan Stevens as a hero.
  • In a film of my life i would be played by Jason Lee (according to Pete). That pleases me.

Friday, August 12, 2005

the imagination is a beautiful thing (or friday's complexity)

Having in my last post extolled my happiness, today i'm a little tinged with sadness (I am a capricious sole). I think it was triggered by a combination of factors but it seems to stem from a realisation that my starting points of Sheffield have all gone. The folks have moved, i don't see any of my school friends anymore (they even knocked down and rebuilt my school), my sister and her mates have all gone and Matt and Jo's leaving drink seemed to bring home the fact that all the people i got to know when i came back here after Worcester aren't really. It's all a bit silly really, i mean i don't see Matt and Jo often (and they're doing something inspiringly amazing) but it made me think that time of my life is truly gone and i'd been living in semi newness. So this is me mourning that i think but then mourning is an important thing to do (as an episode of Scrubs taught me yesterday). However, i won't let it snaffle my happiness. Bring on my new history!

Thursday, August 11, 2005

there's a doings afoot

As I lay in bed last night i realised how much i'd enjoyed a thoroughly lovely set of decent days and nights recently . For example, yesterday evening was spent eating and playing scrabble. I can't remember the last time i played to the extent i reckon i must have been under the age of 10 (we Munro's aren't big board game players ever since the Escape from Colditz incident). So anyway, finished bottom of the pile but it was really close; I got 117 and the winner got 123. My favourite words of the game were zealot, blurb and sheer and of course quint. The last one was mine and got me 46 points but isn't actually a word (i was thinking of quin) but given the strict dictionary challenging rules and my own blind confidence it got through. However, i really shouldn't have coffee as it means that i spend valuable sleep time spelling words in my head which means my working is going rubbish today.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

the murmurs of a changeling

1. Outside, over there: I have a proposition, well more of a suggestion really. Building on the comment i made a while ago about rushing our interactions (needing a cup of tea and a sit down) and the observation from Abigail that it's nice to have people around in the office but not need to necessarily talk to, i was thinking of establishing a space for people to mill about at their own pace but in the prescence of others but is more homely and cheaper than a cafe. It could be called something like the Breathing Room. I have no idea how it would work but hey, it's only an idea. This may also be solved by living with people again.

2. Math: I've lived with over 25 people.

3. Social whoring: Had one of those weekends when you're very busy doing social things to the extent that i realised that i like having stuff to do especially in the week as a reward for my largely solo work efforts of the day.

4. Bread is taking over my life: In a bit to have healthier snacks in the day i'm buying raisins or sultanas but the problem is i just eat loads of them. I had to ban myself from buying bread for the same reason but i reckon sultanas are better- just about

5. the film section: Really like the look of You, Me and Everyone We Know and liked the interview with the star/director/writer Miranda July in the paper. She made a point that she loses herself when going from place to place (like where does an email go?) which i can do and that we need disasters (on small scales) to bring us together: "My feeling is that people don't have any rituals of coming together now-other than disaster".

6. Music quadrant: I really like a song by the Bedouin Soundclash tune going around at the moment- it sounds great with the sun and sounds a bit like Paul Simon. Other great sunny tune bands- pheonix and the bees. I also have a desire to go to South By South West in Austin but it's right expensive. Oh, and the new Supergrass one n'all.

7. Film 2: The Reckoning: Forgot to mention that i really like the look of the new Cameron Crowe one as well called Elizabethtown just so long as i can keep my feelings concerning Orlando Bloom under control. Also, it appears that My Morning Jacket are in it- check out the trailer at www.apple.com/trailers (same with Me and You...)

Friday, August 05, 2005

a blush of boys

1. Collectivity
whilst trying to come up with a good metaphor to introduce my chapter i came across an excellent list of collective nouns. Alongside the excellent ones for birds (chattering of choughs, raft of ducks, exaltation of larks, covey of ptmarmigan, parliament of rooks, fall of woodcock) were some great ones for people (pity of prisoners, stalk of foresters and faith of merchants) and lest us forget other animals (sloth of bear, buisness of ferrets, skulk of foxes, labour of moles and a crash of rhinos).

2. A proliferation of posts
In answer to Pete's question. I email my work to myself due to intense paranoia so whilst online i try and blog too. It helps me relax a bit but whilst thinking about words and sentences at the same time-bonus

3. Hell Yes!
I have finsihed a first draft clocking in at 20 pages and 9,479 words- now i don't have to look at again for a few weeks. Thought about putting it up but realised that would be a)rather self absorbed and b)bit risky given anyone could read it (a guy in my office found that someone in Latvia was doing almost the exact same research as him and was tempted to pass off his work as his own)

4. Evenings off
Watched the excellent Laramie Project which is about a murder that took place in Wyoming. It blew up and became a national thing about hate crime (the victim was killed because he was gay) and the film was about a theatre company who went there and interviewed the town about the crime and the repercussions. It was done by HBO (who do Six Feet Under et al) and the cast was amazing featuring loads from HBO series (Clea DuVall, and the crazy preacher off Carnivale) but people like Laura Linney, Peter Fonda, Steve Buscemi, Christinna Ricci and Jeremy Davies as well- very impressive. I can't do it justice putting bits of it in but i really recommend it.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

it's called gratitude and that's right

Things i'm loving at the moment:

1. My mood seems to have been completely lifted by the wonderfulness that is Charlie and The Chocolate Factory. Went to see it last night and it had my smiling throughout- i don't get why Tim Burton is allowed such a huge budget to make his films but i'm glad he does. The style was amazing and as someone said, "he should be wrapped up and opened at Christmas". It was also perfect to see in a packed cinema (Orange Wednesday meant that UGC was mental). All the cast were great even in the small roles like Christpher Lee as Willy Wonka's dad and a personal favourite; one of the stars of a personal favourite film of mine (Josie and the Pussycats) plays Veruca Salt's mum-class.

2. Watched Danny Wallace's how to start your own country on 2 as well and that was great. I particularly liked the fact he had "Everything is fine" pamphlets. I have always wanted to protest with a banner saying something along those lines such as "Nothing to Complain About" or "You're doing great".

3. My blog titles are always really long-hurrah! I nearly called this one "It's like having a delicious meal" again a nod to the Beasties but that's more in the delivery

4. Word Count; 7,765

5. Tommorrow is Friday

6. Keeping my masculine cred high; i spent ages reading Elle's jeans issue (it was kicking round the house). I miss not having Em's or Mum's copies of Vogue and the like.

7. Peanut m&m's - the king of confectionary and adding to the enjoyment of both 1 and 2.

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

windows and mirrors into MeWorld

I'm trying to avoid work at the moment

I read i really interesting article in the Observer t'other day about the role of teenage girls in society by Thomas de Zengotita (http://observer.guardian.co.uk/comment/story/0,,1539674,00.html). The author argues that the huge amount of media that now exists only serves to make us more self aware as they allow constant comparison. This also allows us to create our own MeWorlds which i reckon i'm pretty good at. I spend most of my time on the move with headphones on (my own soundtrack), litter my conversation with references to film, tv, songs etc (which is kind of anti-social), i seldom answer the phone (unless i'm ready to deal with the consequences), i read loads of magazines (which tell me what i should be wearing, listening to, watching etc...) and when i can spend ages pissing about on the internet. This very blog is probably the best example of MeWorld. Man no wonder i feel a bit isolated, i'm too busy with my head rammed up my own arse

Right, back to my musings on new institutionalim and what is says about the structure/agency debate (4,000 words in)

Monday, August 01, 2005

lady goodman Vs emily rugburn

Today the numbering shall be abandoned to an altogether more hotch-potch to my weekend thoughts. After a week of mental exhaustion i decided against a trip to the pub on Friday night but i did realise that i'm never able to hit the tone i want in my writing because i need to be in an upbeat mood but work never has that affect on me, i just end up sounding like an academic ponce who isn't clever enough to back it up. A quote i really like is "If it looks difficult then you aren't working hard enough". I have named this the worker's paradox and the advice i received was to get laid and take drugs-lovely. The other thing about writing is that i can go all day without seeing anyone and this made me realise that it's very lonely.

So Saturday morning was football which i normally love despite the early start but this week was a bit different. The game was like a proper match (finishing 4-4 instead of 15-14 like normal) and was really tense as Lol said there was joking at the start and the end but not in between which didn't match the normal tone. It also reminded me why i stopped playing football at uni. I played ok (scored one, set up another) but it really stressed me out and i ended up taking it quite seriously, getting annoyed when people didn't track back, missed sitters etc but at the same time you kind of have to be encouraging. I found this a bit difficult and forced and it reminded me of a quote i heard about the affect of fame that basically says that fame is the ultimate true character detector. I think football might be the same and i was less than impressed with my true character.

Anyway, pragraph 1 plus paragraph 2 resulted in a state of misery and paranoia for the weekend's events. I felt completely false at Robin's birthday and couldn't really face it so i went to the Showroom and watched the superb DiG! about the Brian Jonestown Masacre and Dandy Warhols. Came back to the party and had a good time by a) drinking until i was post-drunk (the state when you were drunk but then after a bit you're ok again) and b) talking to people i didn't know too well (except Laurance). I'm not sure i could have faced the front room given i felt like i had a novelty V for Vendettta mask on (if i were cleverer i'd put a picture of it here but anyway i can't. I really want to see the trailer but uni hasn't got quicktime-damn) but this is all a bit melodramatic - it was a cool party ("lots of hugging, lots of dancing etc, etc").

Sunday was the naming at the Cask and Cutler which was really nice but i did too much comfort eating. Also, Robin can't be a Pompey fan, under the football fan's code he can only support Wednesday (as his Dad doesn't follow football and he lives over the posh bit of the city)

So Sunday evening was spent watching Almost Famous which always helps matters somewhat

i changed the blog title- i like the collection of words