I've changed my mind...about this trampoline
The witty bit: A mate of mine went to see Demetri Martin and his favourite line was, "I used to love nostalgia"
The serious bit: Please do not read the below. No really.
I feel truly awful at the moment and i think there are multiple indicators of this:
- I'm eating shit loads.
- I'm watching loads of films to take me elsewhere (Cookie's Fortune- ace Altman film, The Return- very good in a 'i can see why this is good but it isn't very exciting' type way, Stealth- crap but in a very enjoyable way).
- I can't sleep.
- Everytime i stop and think my eyes get a little misty.
- My slightly crestfallen sarcasm has ceased to have a comic tone.
- I dread the prospect of seeing people I know and want to stay in the confines of my room which drives me mad since it's my office and the place where i lay in bed unable to sleep.
My response to this is either to be how i feel or be faux American upbeat (alright, go team!) which is the tactic i'll probably take for Greenbelt (and alcohol). When i do venture out you can never get away with saying you feel like crap without it leading to further half hearted questions but i don't want to lie and say i'm ok either. I need to find the 'present but not there' thing but then that's why i watch films etc...and put a post up on the internet where anyone can read it but ask people not to comment. How lame is that?
The reasons for all this on the other hand should stay in my head where none shall find them. I'll shut down completely and ignore all those around me. That's far easier.
ps. if you ignored my instruction not to read this then don't mention it to me. It'll just embarass us both.
The serious bit: Please do not read the below. No really.
I feel truly awful at the moment and i think there are multiple indicators of this:
- I'm eating shit loads.
- I'm watching loads of films to take me elsewhere (Cookie's Fortune- ace Altman film, The Return- very good in a 'i can see why this is good but it isn't very exciting' type way, Stealth- crap but in a very enjoyable way).
- I can't sleep.
- Everytime i stop and think my eyes get a little misty.
- My slightly crestfallen sarcasm has ceased to have a comic tone.
- I dread the prospect of seeing people I know and want to stay in the confines of my room which drives me mad since it's my office and the place where i lay in bed unable to sleep.
My response to this is either to be how i feel or be faux American upbeat (alright, go team!) which is the tactic i'll probably take for Greenbelt (and alcohol). When i do venture out you can never get away with saying you feel like crap without it leading to further half hearted questions but i don't want to lie and say i'm ok either. I need to find the 'present but not there' thing but then that's why i watch films etc...and put a post up on the internet where anyone can read it but ask people not to comment. How lame is that?
The reasons for all this on the other hand should stay in my head where none shall find them. I'll shut down completely and ignore all those around me. That's far easier.
ps. if you ignored my instruction not to read this then don't mention it to me. It'll just embarass us both.
posted by hugh at
9:44 PM
2 Comments:
for what it's worth, i'm in a remarkably similar place. and I too find myself writing about it on my blog, almost like it's a compulsion (though not a healthy one).
so at greenbelt, feel free to come hang out with me and Rob: we won't say anything, just drink tea and eat flapjacks. There will be an unspoken code of honour to only ask fully intended questions, nothing half-hearted, but with no obligation to reply. And no faux American upbeat, unless we really mean it (though then it wouldn't be faux, i guess)
We might as well all feel crap together rather than shutting down and staying isolated (but in a not really talking about it way because that would be embarassing.)
Sorry for commenting. I couldn't help it. Damn, this blogging stuff gets so compulsive!!!
By
Abigail, at 9:17 AM
um, sorry, i read it... seems like lots of us are in a crappy place...radio 4 is good for sleep. or sermon talks, as they sometimes give you a bit of hope
By
dan, at 10:37 AM
Post a Comment
<< Home